Ten Diet Rules for the Rest of Us

1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do.
4. Food used for medical purposes never count. Examples include hot chocolate, toast, chicken soup and chocolate cake.
5. If you fatten up everyone around you, you will look thinner.
6. Movie related foods, such as Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Reese's Pieces, Red Hots, and Tootsie Rolls, do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.
7. Cookie pieces contain no fat — the process of breaking them causes the fat to leak out.
8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples include peanut butter on a knife, while making a sandwich, and ice cream or chocolate sauce on a spoon, while making a sundae.
9. Foods having the same color have the same number of calories. Examples: spinach and pistachio ice cream; shiitake mushrooms and chocolate. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.
10. Foods that are frozen have no calories because calories are units of heat. Examples are ice cream and , frozen pie.